Mandira and Nana Patekar
Sunday, June 7, 2009
There are very few moments in life where emotions get too heavy for you. World Cup gave me an opportunity to face the same. Goose bergs were all over me, and I would have been picked up by Parmeshwaran Gogrej and been placed at a corner in her drawing room as a rare species of Cactus, for the goose bergs. My mother keeps applying some home made creams all over my body, as a result her hands are all scuffed up. I was not able to sleep last night, as a result she was murmuring “ babul mora” song in Saigal style of singing to get me to sleep. I looked like Dronacharya on death bed. My friends are worried about me. People from the film industry, who have not gone to South Africa have visited me and asked for my well being. People who usually hug and meet me have just asked for me from distance and left. But I am very happy. And there is no limit to my current happiness. Because- due to this world cup , India- the great nation that we are got the greatest un-valuable gem – and that is Mandira Bedi.
Mandu is the reason for my goose bergs. I swear to GOD- when I first saw her on TV- I forgot cricket.( I mean she made me forget cricket.) I was amazed by her cricketing knowledge. I started getting my first goose bergs at the same moment. Her smile which spaced from one ear to another, made me wonder if she eats banana across the length. To the left of her side sits a gentleman named Charu and around her some other useless and un-important people like Kapil, Botham, Bishop take a seat. I cannot even see 10% of hair on Charu’s scalp than what I saw when I first saw him on the first day of broadcast. He deliberately doest want to look at his right side, and I noticed it. After asking all other people all the questions, when he asks Mandira questions out of compulsion and no intent, I get very angry. That day he asked her” what do you think about Lara? ”, and she answered “Lara dutta jab Miss Universse bani thi…..” and he starts laughing in between the words. How rude. Kapil in his dusky voice said “Mandi da jawab nahi.” And Bishop and Botham went under the desk looking for their fallen pen, and Venkatesh Prasad started rubbing his eyes as if the fallen 2 or 3 hair of Charu have gone in his eyes and started reciting Mahamrityunjaya slokas. I wanted to kick their ass at that moment. Mandu had alook here and there , smiled and said “Ab milenge break ke baad.” It was impossible for me to wait for her to come back for that complete minute. After the break, that guy Charu unnecessarily comes in the closeup of camera. Baldy( as a cocunut), idiot….
Do u know what happened that day? Zaheer took 2 quick wickets aginst New Zealand and, and went to have some water in the dressing room. After coming back, he was just bowling wides, that too 7 or 8. When Saurav censured him, he said “Afetr watching Mandira Bedi and the clothes she is wearing, its making me bowl wides”. To tell you the truth, that day Mandu was wearing so pretty scintillating clothes. Scintillating means, you could see what was there on the other side of the clothes. But my question is why do people on this side have to see what’s there on that side? Does someone close to you stays there, and then go on bowling wides. Why the hell did u come in the dressing room to have some water? I was so angry at Zaheer that time. Lets see the situation- scintillating Mandy,on one side baldy Charu with few of his hair standing up, and Kapil,and Srikanth and to the left of him Bishop and Prasad with a face as if he has just lost 25paise. (one day I am going to perform Satyanarayan puja, and get rid of him as prasad.). Regardless of logic, everyone was trying to ask questions to my Mandu. And see this, this oldy pervert Barry was asked “ who is your favorite today” and this guy answers “Mandira”. Everyone starts laughing. Mandira too ate a banana along the length. How on earth she doesn’t not know when to eat a banana?, I mean when to laugh? Barry with his very thin and low-density hair says “Mandira” and she responses with a lengthwise banana in her mouth. This pig cannot even pronounce her name correctly and watcher the length of her with his pervert eyes. Venkatesh prasad sitting alongside watches her with crooked neck looking for his lost 25 paise. Kapil with expressions as if pondering over where to apply Palmolive shaving cream, and Srikanth with his ever-lasting cold and a face as if he has just taken steam. And in between all these guys- is my Mandu – with no place to go, looks like Draupadi during her Vastra-haran. So innocent, so sweet. When she laughs, her cheeks go in, her nose goes up, her mouth with banana eaten across the side, with just white sparkling teeth as if just painted come in the picture. That day my friend told me “she is an actress”. I was shocked. Because, I haven’t seen such amazing acting during my whole life. There were butterflies in my ears listening to her in-depth knowledge about cricket. Against Australia, barring Sachin, everone played as if they have taken an enema. They just surrendered themselves to the Australians. Mandu didn’t say a word about their bad performance, didn’t hurt their feelings. She just laughs away and keeps saying phir milenge break ke baad. That day , we all lost our pride and hopes, but only for Mandira’s presence on TV that we could face that day so bravely. I think, she must have met our team after that fateful day. She must have told them some 4 important wisely things. Because after that day, over team played with a new zest. One Bedi (Bishensingh) was trying to make the life of Indian cricketers hell, while the other Bedi (Mandira) was trying to get them out of that hell and take them to heaven. This turnaround must have happened only because of her presence. With er smiles and intelligent jokes, she must have carried the sorrowful mood of the Indian cricket team, and bolstered it, because of which we played so good after that. Last night she came in my dreams and said to me “Nanaji”, I replied “ Dear Mandu, what are you doing here?”. She replied “ I want to talk some 2-4 things to you”. I said “ sure, go ahead”. She said “ I think , during the communal riots which happen , kida who throw stones, should be inducted in our cricket team as fast bowlers and be coached the same. There will be fire in their bowling” I said “ Wah, fantastic”. The other thing that I want to tell you is that I want to write a book on my experiences during the Worls Cup and I want Nelson Mandela to write the Foreword for it.
The face of Nelson Mandela, in the prison , came in front of my eyes, even though I was asleep. And third thing is that I have heard that people want Sachin Tendulkar to be felicitated by giving him Bharat-Ratna award, but I think he should be given that award only after he retires. I asked her for a reason. She answered that today the public do want to give Sachin Bharat-Ratna but if in the future is he does not play well- the same public will smear his home with mud, will throw stones at his home. History is the proof of this. That’s why it is better if he gets the award after he retires- as he wont play bad after he retires. I got up from my sleep in a flash- amazed.
There is a huge difference between the Mandira who gives expert comments with the help of her amazing cricket knowledge after and before the match and the Mandira who is simple and innocent. I bowed before the Mandira who came in my dreams. I need not go to Avodhya for that. While having my morning cup of tea- I got a call from Bharat Raut and I started thinking on deep root level about the controversial place of Mandira during the cricket broadcast. Today my mother has applied a paste made of sandalwood on my body.
Mandu is the reason for my goose bergs. I swear to GOD- when I first saw her on TV- I forgot cricket.( I mean she made me forget cricket.) I was amazed by her cricketing knowledge. I started getting my first goose bergs at the same moment. Her smile which spaced from one ear to another, made me wonder if she eats banana across the length. To the left of her side sits a gentleman named Charu and around her some other useless and un-important people like Kapil, Botham, Bishop take a seat. I cannot even see 10% of hair on Charu’s scalp than what I saw when I first saw him on the first day of broadcast. He deliberately doest want to look at his right side, and I noticed it. After asking all other people all the questions, when he asks Mandira questions out of compulsion and no intent, I get very angry. That day he asked her” what do you think about Lara? ”, and she answered “Lara dutta jab Miss Universse bani thi…..” and he starts laughing in between the words. How rude. Kapil in his dusky voice said “Mandi da jawab nahi.” And Bishop and Botham went under the desk looking for their fallen pen, and Venkatesh Prasad started rubbing his eyes as if the fallen 2 or 3 hair of Charu have gone in his eyes and started reciting Mahamrityunjaya slokas. I wanted to kick their ass at that moment. Mandu had alook here and there , smiled and said “Ab milenge break ke baad.” It was impossible for me to wait for her to come back for that complete minute. After the break, that guy Charu unnecessarily comes in the closeup of camera. Baldy( as a cocunut), idiot….
Do u know what happened that day? Zaheer took 2 quick wickets aginst New Zealand and, and went to have some water in the dressing room. After coming back, he was just bowling wides, that too 7 or 8. When Saurav censured him, he said “Afetr watching Mandira Bedi and the clothes she is wearing, its making me bowl wides”. To tell you the truth, that day Mandu was wearing so pretty scintillating clothes. Scintillating means, you could see what was there on the other side of the clothes. But my question is why do people on this side have to see what’s there on that side? Does someone close to you stays there, and then go on bowling wides. Why the hell did u come in the dressing room to have some water? I was so angry at Zaheer that time. Lets see the situation- scintillating Mandy,on one side baldy Charu with few of his hair standing up, and Kapil,and Srikanth and to the left of him Bishop and Prasad with a face as if he has just lost 25paise. (one day I am going to perform Satyanarayan puja, and get rid of him as prasad.). Regardless of logic, everyone was trying to ask questions to my Mandu. And see this, this oldy pervert Barry was asked “ who is your favorite today” and this guy answers “Mandira”. Everyone starts laughing. Mandira too ate a banana along the length. How on earth she doesn’t not know when to eat a banana?, I mean when to laugh? Barry with his very thin and low-density hair says “Mandira” and she responses with a lengthwise banana in her mouth. This pig cannot even pronounce her name correctly and watcher the length of her with his pervert eyes. Venkatesh prasad sitting alongside watches her with crooked neck looking for his lost 25 paise. Kapil with expressions as if pondering over where to apply Palmolive shaving cream, and Srikanth with his ever-lasting cold and a face as if he has just taken steam. And in between all these guys- is my Mandu – with no place to go, looks like Draupadi during her Vastra-haran. So innocent, so sweet. When she laughs, her cheeks go in, her nose goes up, her mouth with banana eaten across the side, with just white sparkling teeth as if just painted come in the picture. That day my friend told me “she is an actress”. I was shocked. Because, I haven’t seen such amazing acting during my whole life. There were butterflies in my ears listening to her in-depth knowledge about cricket. Against Australia, barring Sachin, everone played as if they have taken an enema. They just surrendered themselves to the Australians. Mandu didn’t say a word about their bad performance, didn’t hurt their feelings. She just laughs away and keeps saying phir milenge break ke baad. That day , we all lost our pride and hopes, but only for Mandira’s presence on TV that we could face that day so bravely. I think, she must have met our team after that fateful day. She must have told them some 4 important wisely things. Because after that day, over team played with a new zest. One Bedi (Bishensingh) was trying to make the life of Indian cricketers hell, while the other Bedi (Mandira) was trying to get them out of that hell and take them to heaven. This turnaround must have happened only because of her presence. With er smiles and intelligent jokes, she must have carried the sorrowful mood of the Indian cricket team, and bolstered it, because of which we played so good after that. Last night she came in my dreams and said to me “Nanaji”, I replied “ Dear Mandu, what are you doing here?”. She replied “ I want to talk some 2-4 things to you”. I said “ sure, go ahead”. She said “ I think , during the communal riots which happen , kida who throw stones, should be inducted in our cricket team as fast bowlers and be coached the same. There will be fire in their bowling” I said “ Wah, fantastic”. The other thing that I want to tell you is that I want to write a book on my experiences during the Worls Cup and I want Nelson Mandela to write the Foreword for it.
The face of Nelson Mandela, in the prison , came in front of my eyes, even though I was asleep. And third thing is that I have heard that people want Sachin Tendulkar to be felicitated by giving him Bharat-Ratna award, but I think he should be given that award only after he retires. I asked her for a reason. She answered that today the public do want to give Sachin Bharat-Ratna but if in the future is he does not play well- the same public will smear his home with mud, will throw stones at his home. History is the proof of this. That’s why it is better if he gets the award after he retires- as he wont play bad after he retires. I got up from my sleep in a flash- amazed.
There is a huge difference between the Mandira who gives expert comments with the help of her amazing cricket knowledge after and before the match and the Mandira who is simple and innocent. I bowed before the Mandira who came in my dreams. I need not go to Avodhya for that. While having my morning cup of tea- I got a call from Bharat Raut and I started thinking on deep root level about the controversial place of Mandira during the cricket broadcast. Today my mother has applied a paste made of sandalwood on my body.
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